Reader’s Question: Shall I Go To the Ball?
Here’s a letter a reader wrote to me recently, reprinted with permission.
“I hate my chart. I hate its ambiguities, its lethargy (thanks Libra stellium) and its inability to just take a decision and stick to it. I hate my Virgo Moon, and its crippling inability to let me feel worthwhile…
I just wish I had a stronger roadmap for plotting out career strategies. …“
No, dear Q, it’s you that has to make the decision. The chart is just a diagram.
First of all, let’s knock that shame on the head. You could say it’s a combination of self-critical Virgo and wallowing Cancer. But it’s also your choice to be ashamed. Not knowing what to do with your life? Most people don’t have a clue… You’re in the majority here.
With Moon in Virgo and Saturn-Mars in the 12th house, you may well have a crippling inner critic droning on and on at you, but to say the planets are doing something to you, is a basic misunderstanding of how astrology works.
The planets are energy, which you use in the best way you can. You’ve made the choice to feel ashamed. That’s a waste of energy. Now unmake it. Read on to see how and why.
Q has been having her first Saturn Return – hitting a stellium in the 12th house. That combined with Pluto opposing her Sun – and the whole Cardinal disco setting Sun and stellium off – was never going to be easy.
Q you are a survivor. Pluto opposing the Sun is one of the most difficult transits to get through. No one is going to bounce back from that. Feeling flattened afterwards is nothing to be ashamed of.
You have natal Saturn-Mars, which can be knee-capping. Mars says go, Saturn says stop. And in Libra Saturn is much stronger than Mars.
But in fact, this is the chart of someone with tremendous perseverance. Mars-Saturn is not going to give up – once on the right path, and that is the crux of the matter. Scorpio Rising can achieve anything. Maybe the reason she has not stuck to anything so far is because nothing has been right. She simply has not found her vocation yet. And that is not such a terrible thing.
Many of us spend our 20s imagining that everyone else was doing brilliantly while we had missed the boat. Unless you happen to be Lily Collins (see pic) or Leonardo DiCaprio or some other child wonder, feeling that you’re being overtaken is one of the main moods of that decade. Everyone else is going ball, and you, Cinderella, are left behind…
Rest assured, most of us did not quite get to the ball before the age of 28.
Your Saturn Return is your time to acknowledge that. You don’t have to suddenly make amends for your lack of direction and success by instantly figuring out what you’re going to do with the rest of your life – or marrying the gal you’ve been living with for seven years. No you just need to face the fact that you’re not quite on the path yet.
But let me tell you, everything you’ve done, everyone you’ve understood, every mistake you’ve made up until this point is useful. It is all going into making you even more you. And that is what you should be aiming for. You should be striving to become the most youish that you can, the very distillation of you. You probably won’t ever achieve this, but striving to will feel very good.
And your natal chart gives you an outline of what being you ought to mean.
Everything is going to change for you in October, when Jupiter moves out of Libra and into Scorpio. Saturn crossing the Ascendant is always maturing; Saturn in the 12th is always the last gasp of a particular phase in your life, a settling of accoutnts. Saturn in the 1st in Scorpio means focus is coming for you, so stop fretting about now. Instead take these months to allow yourself to explore possibilities, to examine your inner nature. Stop beating yourself up about it.
With Saturn in your 12th house, you are supposed to be doing some navel gazing. Don’t be ashamed of not acting. Action is not always the better part of valour. Sometimes standing still is exactly what is required. And Saturn is all about slowing down.
Astrology can help point the way for you to some extent, but the decisions ultimately are yours.
And why not, Q, since that is exactly what you’re going to study. You’re a natural researcher but you need to share that research with the public. You need to be able to show it off.
That’s a day job. Then there’s the writing. You have a gift with words (Mercury-Moon, and Venus in Gemini). Mercury contacting Mars-Saturn suggests that you can actually produce a real thing, but it’s slow, so make that a long-term ambition. Writing will give you the opportunity to show off (Leo MC) your mind and craft (Moon in Virgo).
Right now, you need to get out and experience life again. You need to know that being indecisive is not due to your chart, but more likely due to your circumstances. Your choices now need come from your instinct. The trouble with Libra is that it can be too accommodating. You pay too much attention to other people’s opinions (needs) and not enough to your own.
Doing what was expected of you was what got you into this situation in the first place. Now it’s time to go your own way. Write your own invitation to the ball, and use it. That is the message of Saturn Returns.
Be brave, persevere and be reassured that come the autumn, you will be taking the first steps on a new and straighter path.
If you have any insights into Q’s chart, please share them.